abnormal

right at the moment... i no longer feel alive.. i know its been weired to talk about death for my first 3 blogs this year but i realize a lot as time goes on... as a kid i got sick and tiered of being plain and nothing but a wallpaper on the crowd... I'm nobody... nothing and i almost don't exist... i don't want to be like that again... i always think of what i might have been if Ive been in different environment or atmosphere... aaarrgggghhhh.... i feel numb... i want to express my anger, my pain, my confusion, my failure, and everything but i guess i have to endure and deal with it myself.