malatyat nu viay ku

mindichayakay aku du avak nu masari a malatyat. angu paru panghavas ayan hanebneb nu amyan an manam du kawsup ku du mata ku am nu mareklas mu muyin kan manguhat mu tachay u ichinakuhan ku. Angu chabu mud katangked ku? Angu asbangan mu jaken du malatyat nu viay ku? Ara ka paru masuyut kan manguhat du vayu a pinidi mu? Ichavakel muava yaken ta machihrayay du kadada nu araw am vayaten ku vayu ku viay a masuyut takan kamahep am imu u nguhat ku.

numb

today, i stopped crying. for I have cease to breath the air around me. the pain that I'm feeling can no longer be described. It's just there... or should I say, I'm just there somewhere in the dark cloud of misery that covered me. I may be gone and numb but I'll wait for the tears to flow again and give me reason to live all over again.

the price of being me

there are dark nights of my life that i want to drown in pain. I feel hopeless with no direction. Felt that big empty space ahead of me. I wish I have the reason to live, reason to breath and reason to exist. My tears are all dried out. I can't let them go, I know theirs no one to catch them. I'll be miserable and half dead. Why do I always ask what did I live for if i have no reason to. Forget being fair, never mind my worth 'cuz maybe I should have not been conceived if the only thing that's telling me I'm alive is the pain I'm enduring endlessly.

reason

take my heart, take my soul, take it with you. I don't have the reason to keep it anymore. God.... I hate having what I feel.... I wish I was stronger to kill this emotion rather than the other way around. It would be a sweet death if I stop breathing today.

just not good

One day…. I won’t bleed anymore… I won’t shed a tear… ill smile tenderly when you start to stab that knife in my heart repeatedly. I’ll be gone with peace knowing that you’ve kept your promise of being there till the end. I’ll take my walk thankfully that once… I loved you.

not too-happy halloween

as i silently endure pain... i love to listen to noise... or should i say loud music. i like to drown myself into my raw emotions. if only i can shut myself to the world.. all i need is air and my ipod. Ive been fighting hard against myself lately. i pretended I'm strong, put up a show and tell the world I'm OK. tried many resources to deny the possibility of facing that agonizing experience i had before. I run, I pretended, I said I'm OK. and most of all I was numb for too long enough for me to remember... Well, the hardest part for me after this endless numbness stage is facing the reality and going back to what happened. my shadow had been hunting me... asking me to take a better look at her. but i ask, why do I have to got back? why do I have to face the consequences alone when i was suppose to be the one moving on. why? so many questions to ask... I dunno. I have no idea if ill ever find the answer. the only thing I'm sure is... time my past by and everything may come and go but the pain will forever be there... silently waiting for me to come back and resurrect it.

return of the comebak

its been almost half a year since i last had a time to update this blog. well sorry to say but i cant narrate all that happened in details. I've already move into a new apartment with my cousins. had been home last June to attend batanes day. also been in Baguio with my friends and also started collecting newmoon stuff. pretty excited for the latter. I'll be in the cinema to watch the first glimpse two weeks from now.

abnormal

right at the moment... i no longer feel alive.. i know its been weired to talk about death for my first 3 blogs this year but i realize a lot as time goes on... as a kid i got sick and tiered of being plain and nothing but a wallpaper on the crowd... I'm nobody... nothing and i almost don't exist... i don't want to be like that again... i always think of what i might have been if Ive been in different environment or atmosphere... aaarrgggghhhh.... i feel numb... i want to express my anger, my pain, my confusion, my failure, and everything but i guess i have to endure and deal with it myself.

nescafe - batanes

I've been struck by this tv ad since the first day i saw it. ofcourse thats because im a true full blooded ivatan. i never imagine that there will come a day when i can watch my fellow ivatan doing a commercial on national television.

there had been the time when i remember watching "hihintayin kita sa langit" which was the first movie i remember being shoot there... and lately as the century turns quickly and inovation and technology crawls up... there had been the movie "batanes" and the tv ad of dawn zulueta for "PH care". the only difference this time is we got to hear our language used in the entire ad. that made me proud to be one.

Felt like going home... "isang libo't isa man bagyo ang dumating... di ka matutumba... malalim ang kapit mo dito"

sabi nga... bumalik sa pinanggalingan...

huhuhu!... ku makey a mamatan...

farewell party

When the last breath of life is gone from my bodyAnd my lips are as cold as the seaWhen my friends gather around for my farewell partyThere will be flowers from those who cry when I'm goneDon't be mad at me for wanting to keep you till my life on this old world is throughYou'll be free at the end of my farewell party but I'll go away loving you

feelings and questions

i know days will come and go, maybe i'll grow old, but i will die for now. is it worth to be sad if it's harder to be glad to be alive? the trouble i have caused, i wonder where i belong, is it here?... as i look around this room, seeing worried eyes that know, its time that we cannot buy. was this worth the time to write?

in the memory of Lyra Faeldon

have you ever think about how you will look like on your final day?

its weired but i had ask that my self.. well, of course i dunno, thats why when i stumble on my moms "barong", my instinct tells me right there and then to put in on and try... well, twas a diff. me... atlast... i got a glimps on my final look.

people told me I'm crazy, but am I wrong on being curious? atleast ill go on in this world having an idea on how ill rot in my coffin. well, death is a must for everybody so, why fear for it.. ?

I was amaze by how others react with my pic. some scream, some fear, some worry, some look me like im already rotting... most of all, some cant believe im still breathing....

one thing is for sure... I'm contented that i know im cute on my final rest....

bwahahahahah!