not too-happy halloween

as i silently endure pain... i love to listen to noise... or should i say loud music. i like to drown myself into my raw emotions. if only i can shut myself to the world.. all i need is air and my ipod. Ive been fighting hard against myself lately. i pretended I'm strong, put up a show and tell the world I'm OK. tried many resources to deny the possibility of facing that agonizing experience i had before. I run, I pretended, I said I'm OK. and most of all I was numb for too long enough for me to remember... Well, the hardest part for me after this endless numbness stage is facing the reality and going back to what happened. my shadow had been hunting me... asking me to take a better look at her. but i ask, why do I have to got back? why do I have to face the consequences alone when i was suppose to be the one moving on. why? so many questions to ask... I dunno. I have no idea if ill ever find the answer. the only thing I'm sure is... time my past by and everything may come and go but the pain will forever be there... silently waiting for me to come back and resurrect it.